Selfish isn't such a dirty word

As a mom, you learn from others.  Friends, family, co-workers, magazines and media,that being selfish is not only unacceptable, it is illogical.  You are a parent, and as a parent, you will always come second.  Your kids always need to come first.



Oh, I subscribed to this logic, sometimes probably even playing the martyr card with statements like, "Moms aren't allowed to get sick", "My life is my children, I don't have another life".  



I was never disgruntled at my children for this.  I always feel very grateful to be a mom.  It is great to watch my young children grow and to receive their love.  I have always wanted to be a mom, and I would never turn back from this.



As far as subscribing to this "secret code", where you can't be selfish and you can't have your own life it's just not so. I am done buying into that club.  To not have a life outside of parenthood is just not healthy for myself or my kids.



I am not condoning becoming a bar fly or neglecting your children's needs.  Here's my deal:

• If I feel sick, I will rest, the house can wait.


• If I need some alone time, the kids can play quietly in another room for awhile.  It's o.k.


• If I want to have an adult dinner or go out to an adult event I will not feel guilty that I am not spending every breathing moment with my children.
  


• If my children do not eat all the food on their plates, I don't morph into a human garbage disposal.  I throw the leftovers in the garbage.


• If I want to plan a vacation outside of our family vacations that does not involve bringing children along, even if it is just a 2 or 3 day getaway, I am going to do it.
  


• If I want to buy a dress for myself and my kids have what they need, I am going to buy it.


• If adding on one more activity is going to send my family's schedule into commuting hell, with no downtime at home or just to lounge or for my kids to just be kids, then I am saying no.

Being a little selfish is akin to breathing your own oxygen.  A necessary and vital part of life for any parent, single, married, working or stay at home.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  If the "Moms for Martyrs" club comes knocking at your door, Smile pretty and just say "No".